Cooking With The Kids
by Caz251
Summary: Summary: Grandmamma teaches the kids how to cook. Warnings: This fic contains some extreme animal cruelty, but I don't advocate it. DON'T READ WHILE EATING. Part of the Creepy, Kooky, Spooky ... Torchwood verse.


**Title: **Cooking With The Kids

**Fandom:** Addams Family/Torchwood

**Characters:** Micah Lucretia Davies, David Alfonso Davies, What Addams, Pubert Addams and Grandmamma Addams.

**Rating:** Pg-13

**Summary:** Grandmamma teaches the kids how to cook.

**Spoilers:** General spoilers for Torchwood, and The Addams Family.

**Warnings:** This fic contains some extreme animal cruelty, but I don't advocate it. DON'T READ WHILE EATING.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own The Addams Family or Torchwood, or anything associated with them.

**AN: **This is part of my Addams Family/Torchwood universe. Written as a bribe for bethmccombs.

"Grandmamma, will you teach us to cook?" Micah pleaded with the matriarch of the Addams family. "Mum says no one cooks like you can."

A rasping chuckle was the only reply as a woman almost completely swaddled in shawls walked past her. "Who's us?" Grandmamma suddenly asked.

"David Alfonso, Pubert, What and I, Grandmamma. Please say you will." Micah pleaded once more.

Grandmamma smiled toothily before replying, "I'll teach you if you all harvest your own ingredients."

Micah let a feral grin cross her face as she yelled that Grandmamma had said yes. She then turned to the woman in question, "Thank you Grandmamma", she said before picking up an axe from the table and running off to join her brother and cousins.

Running out onto the grounds of the manor she rushed towards the swampland intent on gathering some of the necessary ingredients for some of Grandmamma's most famous meals. Her brother and cousins followed her carrying collection jars and baskets. Micah wasted no time wading into the swamp to collect what they needed, the boys with the exception of What joining her rather quickly. The swamp wasn't the best place for What to spend any real time, so instead of joining his cousins he made his way to the nearest tree, climbing it as quickly as he could. Finding a bird nest he emptied it of eggs, placing them into his own hair, keeping them warm and safe as he shimmied back down the tree.

They spent a good few hours out on the grounds gathering as many ingredients as they could before they were called back inside. It was a Sunday so dinner would be large and they were going to have their first lesson. David had cornered their main course in the woods, and Micah had bashed it on the head with the handle of her axe, leaving Pubert to carry it back to the manor with them. To say that Grandmamma was surprised with the amount of things they had gathered for the meal was an understatement. She was absolutely delighted at what they had managed to scrounge together; several newts, a large amount of toadstools, some eggs, frogspawn, several different plants and of course the main part of the main course, a badger.

Without being told they carried their bounty to the kitchen, placing everything on the table and waiting for Grandmamma's instructions. They knew that the badger would take the most time to cook so it would be done first and they couldn't wait to see exactly what Grandmamma would do to it. They were not disappointed at she wandered towards it with a knife, quickly and expertly removing the creatures skin, placing it to the side for later use. Grandmamma never wasted anything when it came to cooking she could find a use for anything.

She then stuffed the badger with various herbs that she had asked the children to cut and prepare for her, before putting it in the oven to roast for a few hours. Once the badger was out of the way Grandmamma decided to start the lesson properly, although the children had helped with the stuffing for the badger, badger was a hard meal for a beginner to cook. She sent them to get different ingredients from the fridge, things that she had brought with her or collected earlier. Although the children had done a spectacular job they hadn't brought enough of certain ingredients or a wide enough range of ingredients.

The first thing she did was teach them about the use of different knifes for different ingredients, they certainly all knew their knifes but this was to make sure they use the right ones. After all there was no point in using their axes to cut plants, they could use a smaller knife, the axes should be reserved for larger things like pigs. The next thing she taught them was how to prepare a newt and make the most of it.

"Once you have the eyes place them to the side, we'll use them in a minute." She crowed before directing them to slice the rest of the newt and place it in the large bowl she had on the centre of the table.

They did as instructed and then went straight back to the eyes of newt, wondering how they would be cooking these. Micah was rather partial to Eye of Newt stewed, but they had that at the party the weekend before. As it turned out Grandmamma had decided to teach them how to make it boiled and stewed and had separated the eyes into two piles. She then placed a casserole dish on the table explaining that they would be stewing some of the eyes together with some swamp water and toadstools. She watched as the children cut up the toadstools, finding only the best bits to place in with the newts eyes. Once everything had been placed into the casserole she placed it aside, informing the children that they would cook it nearer to the time that the badger would be ready and they were allowing the eyes to marinade. Eye of Newt boiled was just as easy, placing them in a pan of swamp water and boiling them later as well with a few well chosen herbs.

Knowing that there was a good hour before they could do anything, Grandmamma sent the children back off to play, they would no doubt spend some time in the dungeons. Micah was remarkably like Wednesday in that respect, she seemed to have a rather inventive mind, and was going to be particularly skilled in the art of torture. In saying that, she probably got that from her mother, after all Rhiannon Acantha was no slouch with a cat of nine tails. The dungeons were exactly where she found them when she went looking for them for the next part of their lesson. The four of them had the majority of the handheld torture equipment out and were polishing and cleaning them to make sure that they were still in perfect working order. When they saw her they quickly finished up what they were doing, putting all the implements back where they had found them.

When they entered the kitchen the smell of badger hit them, it smelled delicious. Grandmamma immediately set them to task, David as the eldest was to cook the eye of newt boiled, Grandmamma having already placed they eye of newt to be stewed in the oven. The other children gathered around her to watch as she prepared a large crunchy munchy salad. As soon as the eye of newt boiled was done she poured it into a bowl placing it on the table to cool ready for dinner.

The next thing she did was place the remainder of the newt from earlier into a large pan with some noodles, to make Noodles of Newt, a recipe that she had picked up from an old friend who supplied her with odd cat or two every now and again. She explained this to the children and Micah smiled at her, "Grandmamma, which cats are best?"

Grandmamma let a gruesome smile cross her face, "It depends on what you want to do with it. If you are looking for something highly strung, Siamese. It really just depends Micah dear, the cookbook will tell you what ones you need for which recipes though." She pointed to the book on the shelf 101 Ways To Skin A Cat by Grandmamma Addams.

"Can I do this Grandmamma?" Pubert asked pointing at the open cookbook, it was a toadstool and egg sauce.

"Of course, Pubert dear. Just follow the recipe." Grandmamma replied, watching as he broke the eggs into a bowl, David and What cutting up the remaining toadstools and placing them into the bowl. The three boys seemed to take great pleasure in mixing it all together before they placed it in a jug ready to pour. It was one of the easy no cooking necessary sauces that was really just a toadstool and egg mixture.

Micah was watching and looking after the Noodles of Newt, while Grandmamma took the eye of newt stewed out of the oven, pouring it into a bowl and allowing it to cool. The noodles didn't take much longer and Micah set them on the table on a large platter so that the newt could be seen throughout the noodles. Presentation was after all a large part of cooking.

Grandmamma instructed them to wash their hands and to call the others for dinner as she placed the roast badger on the table. She would bring out the pudding that she had made that morning out once the badger was gone; after all frogspawn roulade and roast badger at the same time aren't the best of combinations. As the family sat down for dinner Grandmamma couldn't help but be proud of the children, they had followed instructions well, and would definitely be able to cook food in the traditional Addams way. She would just have to teach them everything she knew and make sure that they all had their own copy of her books.


End file.
